Graceful discipline and peaceful parenting

Discipline is one area where Montessori shines and where us parents can use all the help we can get!

If we can discipline our children without taking their power away perhaps they will learn not to take it from others. If they can own their own power maybe they won't need to pick a fight to feel strong.

We have also put together a grab bag of practical ideas you can use straight away. (Our plan is to enlarge them to poster size and superglue them to the fridge. Or perhaps the children?)

The foolproof guide

Tip 1: Give children your full attention when they do things right so they don't have to do it wrong to get time with you. Listen to them, ask questions, give them full eye contact as often as you can.

Tip 2: Use logical, natural consequences related to the behaviour and apply them consistently. Don't eat dinner = get hungry later. Make a mess = clean it up.

Tip 3: Give them a choice whenever you can. Two choices is normally enough to allow them a sense of control. Use it after an event as well. "I can see you need to run. Would you like to go outside now to run or later?"

Tip 4: Bad behavior is trying to tell you something - be observant. Are they hungry, lonely, angry, tired? What are they trying to tell you? Did they eat lots of lollies before the tantrum?

Tip 5: Clearly explain what to do. ie. "Please put your shoes by the door" gives a clear, easy-to-follow direction. Better than "Will you look at that mess!"

Tip 6: Give a positive alternative. Write on the paper (not on the wall). Run outside.

Tip 7: Problem solve together on how to put things right (and keep going until you come to an agreed solution). ie. "There's paint all over the floor, what are we going to do about it?"

Tip 8: Judge the behaviour, not the person. "You did a great job cleaning" vs. "You are such a Tidy boy" or "Good boy!"

Tip 9: Observe rather than condemn. "Loud voices scare the baby" vs. "Look, you scared her".

Tip 10: Use Time Out or Quiet Time to remove a child from the situation and calm them down. A consequence rather than a punishment.

Tip 11: Encourage them to verbalise what they want so they can get their message across in a more peaceful way...

Tip 12: Use Distraction with younger children.

Tip 13: Create routines so the child knows what to expect. Chaos creates fear. Fear creates bad behaviour.

Tip 14: Create limits and explain them clearly. Good boundaries mean less bad behaviour.

Tip 15: Modify the environment. Provide interesting activities. Allow independence if appropriate eg. Put a stool at the sink. Put toys in reach on low shelves. Limit the range of clothes in the wardrobe to simplify choice.

Tip 16: Follow the child rather than force them. If they really want to do something over and over again, maybe they need to. Why stop them?

Tip 17: Always give a five minute warning.

Tip 18: Once you say 'No', try and stick to it.

Tip 19: Show don't tell. "Sssh. Please whisper like this" or "Clean up like this".

Tip 20: Make time for yourself so you can respond graciously rather than react thoughtlessly.

Tip 21: Remember - nobody's perfect! Don't worry about it - you can always blame your parents for your behaviour.

(Thank you to the Curtis, Jackson, Kayser-Niski and Jones families for contributing their ideas)

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